Dear Liam,
I was sitting on the steps leading up to the front door of my townhouse when my five-year-old self was approached by one of the neighborhood kids. She was a few years older than me and thus all-knowing. She sat down on the step next to me and asked, “Do you know who One Direction is?” I shook my head no. Little did I know that this moment would open my eyes to a world of girly teen pop icons and boy bands.
I hardly listened to music at that age (I could never sit still), but I did fall head over heels for you and the other One Direction members. I had posters hung around my room, a guitar pillow with your faces and much more memorabilia that I lost track of. Every time I went to the mall, I begged my grandmother to take me to Target to take pictures with your life-sized cutouts.
I discovered my love for music at the age of seven, through another British artist, Adele. It wasn’t until then that I understood the hype behind you and your band’s music. There were about two years of me enjoying it before you guys finally split. When a band splits, it’s devastating for its fans, but I always had a little glimmer of hope that you might get back together or go on a reunion tour someday.
I don’t listen to One Direction’s music as much anymore, but it still holds a special place in my heart. When I found out that you died, my initial thought was, ‘No way – this isn’t real.’ The news was broken to me as I was mindlessly scrolling through TikTok; the post came from “Publicity.” I was unsure of how reliable this source was, which gave me a mild sense of hope. ‘If I can’t trust it, it’s not real, right?’ Wrong.
I opened up Instagram to check my fellow One Directioners’ stories, where I was immediately greeted with an announcement from iHeartRadio. I scrolled further; another post from ABC News, then another from the New York Times, which verified my worst nightmare. My heart immediately sank. Something about the New York Times posting about it made it real.
I spent the next couple of hours talking to my mother on the phone, texting friends and trying to find anyone who felt the same pain I did. I was still in a state of shock, unable to process the loss, especially since you were so young. I went on a walk and it wasn’t until I got back and turned on Spotify to “One Direction Radio” that I was actually able to cry.
It might seem folly to cry over a stranger who I never knew personally or even met, but something that should be understood is that One Direction was a pivotal part of my childhood. They made me feel “Beautiful” on my darkest days and lit up my world like nobody else. Little me dreamed of seeing you guys together again one day. Now, the child in me is having a hard time accepting this loss. I know there is nothing I can do about your death. Death is final. But I know how I can honor you through this letter.
I want to thank you for auditioning for X Factor. Had you not, One Direction would not have been the same. Thank you for being in One Direction. Thank you for making incredible music that will be listened to and passed down for generations. Thank you for making memories of my childhood a little brighter. Even though you weren’t the face of One Direction, you were still responsible for how it ended up. You’re also just as responsible for the lives you’ve impacted, including mine. Thank you for contributing to the “Story of My Life.” “Hey Angel,” you did great.
Until we meet again,
